Celebrate Valentine’s Day Like A Goddamn Adult

In my new urge to celebrate and adore Valentine’s Day, I did what any self-respecting Millenial woman would do for ideas: I went to Pinterest.

But the strangest realization dawned on me as I scrolled through the thousands of well-intentioned images of garish pink and purple candies, crayon activities, and Frozen-inspired V-day crafts:

The holiday of romantic love had been turned into a holiday for kids.

adult valentine's day

This is what most people think of for V-Day, right?

I mean, I don’t usually mind the simplification of complex holidays for the under-12 set. Christmas, it makes sense; as it does for St. Patrick’s Day or even Columbus Day. But Valentine’s Day?

Ignoring the suuuuuuuper-Christian undertones of a Saint’s Day, thanks to über-romantic Chaucer in the 14th century, the feast day became a celebration of romance, at the very least. Starting in the late 1700s in England, Victorian stiffs began mailing Valentines to ladies they fancied– and, given that the notes were, by tradition, anonymous, they were pretty damn sultry for Victorian times. Thus connecting Valentine’s Day to sexytimes from there on out.

(Thanks, Wikipedia, for the primer.)

So, I guess what I’m saying is, I’m a bit weirded out when a 200+ year tradition of a holiday of lust being reduced to this:

pinterest valentines day

Because everyone in America is Helen Lovejoy from the f*ing Simpsons.

Nope. It’s time to reclaim an Adult Valentines Day.

And here’s how I suggest you celebrate the day like a Goddamn Adult.


Celebrate Valentine's Day Like A Goddamn Adult
Step #1: Set a real table. 
Step #2: Make a real dinner.
Step #3: Serve real wine. Or Champagne.
Step #4: Buy real flowers.
Step #5: Wear real clothes
Step #6: Share real chocolates.
Step #7: Behave like real adults.

Because Romance is about effort.

Sure, it’s super easy to go out to dinner, but constantly having a waiter check in on how you like your pasta isn’t going to be particularly romantic. Neither will be the couple in the corner having an argument OR the drunken Single Girls Night at the booth behind you. Or the inevitable $300 bill.

I mean, movies blow everything out of proportion when they show a guy who woos a lady by, like, having the Empire State Building spell out her name in window lights. But truthfully, what is romantic about that is that Character A spent more than 20 minutes planning something to make Character B smile.

It’s not something that, say, a seven year old with a packet of Crayolas could do.

You know what I mean?

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever experienced on Valentine’s Day?

images courtesy pexels.com, and polyvore.

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